Your Joyful Order With Leslie Martinez

#101 A Fresh Start: "Just Start Scared" with Chrysty Lockhart

• Leslie Martinez • Season 5 • Episode 101

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Christy Lockhart shares her inspiring journey of overcoming fear to fulfill her God-given calling, emphasizing the importance of self-discovery and community support. The episode encourages listeners to embrace their fears, take actionable steps toward their goals, and trust in God’s timing and purpose. 
• Introduction to the theme of fear and calling 
• Christy's journey of rediscovering her identity outside of motherhood 
• Challenges and overwhelm in motherhood and career 
• Manifestation of fear and self-doubt 
• Importance of sharing fears and seeking support 
• Role of faith in overcoming fears 
• Encouragement to invest in personal growth and relationships 
• Practical steps: journaling and community involvement 
• Advice on navigating setbacks and trusting the process 
• Final thoughts on starting scared and pursuing joy

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Speaker 1:

Hey friends, thanks for tuning in to another episode. If you've ever felt held back by fear or unsure about stepping into the calling that God has placed in your heart, this episode is just for you. We're diving into the theme of Fresh Start with an empowering message from our girl, christy Lockhart, and that's all on starting scared and not letting fear dictate the calling that God put on your life Get ready to be inspired and equipped to take the first step, even if it feels scary. Hey everyone, I'm Leslie Martinez and you're listening to your Joyful Order podcast. Each week, I will bring you joyful stories that will motivate and inspire you and, at the same time, bring order to your everyday life. Let's just say the show will be a mixture of preaching and teaching, with a kick of motivation from your girl here. Welcome to your Joyful Order podcast. Now joining me today is Christy Lockhart. Christy, welcome to the podcast.

Speaker 2:

Oh my gosh, I'm so excited to be here. Thank you.

Speaker 1:

Now Christy is a wife. She's a mom of both bio and bonus kids. She's a retired teacher, just like me, and she is the host of the Start Scared podcast. Christy is no stranger to the struggles of mom life and the chaos that it brings, but through her journey of rediscovery she learned to cut through the noise and clarity and just start scared in pursuing her God-giving calling. So Christy is passionate about helping moms to recognize who they are outside of motherhood and know that what they do still matters. Christy, I am so excited to have you here. I want us to start first with you just telling us a little bit about yourself and then just telling us your journey of rediscovery.

Speaker 2:

Hi, I'm Christy. I'm so honored to be here. Thank you so much for having me. I am all of those things I wear many, many hats and back in 2021, I felt like I wanted something for myself and I didn't know what that looked like.

Speaker 2:

I didn't know what that was going to be, but I knew that, like I was kind of done with being in the wash rinse, repeat cycle of teacher life, mom life, wife life, you know, serving at church it was. It felt like I was just spinning my wheels doing the same thing over and over and over again and there was no time for myself. And so I am an avid podcast listener and I was like, hey, you know what, if I started a podcast, I have no idea what I'm going to talk about. I have no idea, like, what it's going to be about, who it's going to be for. But really it just started to be for myself and I named it Start Scared because I was always afraid to start anything new out of fear of, like what would people say, looking dumb I'm not an expert in anything and it just kind of became this community and thing, that like rediscovering who we were outside of being a mom because we love our babies and we are so grateful for them, but who we are outside of being a mom still matters.

Speaker 2:

And so I kind of like started to do different things that I had never done before, even if I had no idea what I was doing, and I started having conversations with other moms too, and that was really eye-opening to me, because I wasn't alone, I wasn't the only one who felt the same way, and so it just kind of became this thing of let's go and do things, let's go and explore, and what were the things that we'd like to do before we were being a mom, before we were a mom? Because those things still matter too. And so it just I'm still trying to discover who Christy is outside of being a mom, but I don't think we ever arrive. I think it's that's why it's the journey and, um, you know, things that I did a couple of years ago are not things that I do now, and it's just, it's been really cool to show my kids and show my husband that you know I can wear these different hats, but you know who I am on the inside still really matters, and you know so, do you.

Speaker 1:

Yes, I love that, and you know one of the things having you yourself been a teacher my, you know, being a teacher in itself you're not just wearing the hat of mom, you're wearing the hat of teacher and mom to all those kids that are at your classroom. So your mom times like whatever, however many students you have, plus your own biological children, and the decision making that goes on, which is being a teacher also, is very overwhelming, you know. So, the thought of trying to do things for yourself, it almost seemed burdensome. Right, it was an extra thing to do, and you're just physically drained. After a day in the classroom with all those kids decision making, the last thing you want to do is come home and try to think of anything else. It's not just the fear, but it's also just the overwhelm as well. Now, christy, how would fear actually manifest for you? And like, what were the steps that you did once you saw that, hey, this is fear that's holding me back? What were some actionable steps that you took to help you to move past it?

Speaker 2:

So I feel like when I start to be afraid of things, I'll ruminate and I'll think of worst case scenario over and, over and over and then I'll isolate. And that's the biggest thing is I'm like I put myself on an island. I don't tell anybody what's going on. I don't tell anybody. You know oh, this is what I'm thinking, or X, y and Z. I just kind of go through the motions and pretend like I'm a mask, I put a mask on, everything's okay. And so the very first thing that I did was I was like okay, I can't sit on this island, I can't pretend that everything's okay. And so I told my husband I was like I'm not okay, I'm not happy, I don't know what's wrong, I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 2:

And I feel like the first step is to tell somebody that something doesn't feel right. And that person obviously you want it to be a trusted person in your life who's not going to just be a yes person and tell you everything you want to hear, because that's not going to get you to move any mountains, you know, it's not going to get you to step outside your comfort zone, but someone who's really going to sit and listen and not try to fix things but ask questions so that you can reflect back on oh my gosh, what's going on? Why am I feeling this way? And I even just had a conversation with my husband two days ago. He was like what is going on? I was like I don't know, I'm just not happy. And he was like well, you need to figure out. You know, you're focusing on these X, y and Z. I think you need to go internal.

Speaker 2:

And so, you know, I started praying more, I started journaling more, I started doing my devotional more and just really kind of pouring into myself. Because if I don't pour into myself, scared or not, how am I going to be able to pour into anybody else, you know? And so I think actionable steps. First thing is just ripping off the band-aid and telling somebody and like, this is what I want to do, this is what's weighing on my heart, this is what I'm scared to do. Now what? And I think just speaking it into existence, and regardless of what it is, speaking it into existence also kind of makes it not as scary, because you're like oh, I can figure this out. I have people around who are going to help me figure this out.

Speaker 1:

And I think that alone, just sharing with somebody, is scary in itself, right, like because it's almost like that fear now becomes a reality, because now you're expressing it, you're sharing it with people. And I was in the same boat as you, christy, like it just took for me to sit down with my husband and be like I don't know what's going on, I don't know what the next steps are. I feel kind of the same. You know I'm not.

Speaker 1:

For me, it was I don't feel fulfilled. It wasn't a matter of like I'm not happy, it was a matter of I don't feel fulfilled, I don't feel that I am doing all that God called me to do, and the doubt and that fear resonates. And then you know, through journaling and prayer and all of that too, you start to see, like some of the layers that unravel as to, okay, I understand why I have fear, I understand why I have doubts on these things. Now, how would you define like scared? And how do you think that fear shows up just when we're stepping into a calling, like for Christy? If I were to ask you, christy, what is one thing that you are most scared of in your life? What does that look like for Christy?

Speaker 2:

This is more of a thing. I am terrified of tornadoes, and so that is probably not what you're expecting for me to say, but I'm terrified of tornadoes, and anybody who knows me knows that. And so when we, instead of focusing on oh my gosh, I live in a place where there's tornadoes, tornadoes are going to happen all the time what can I do to help with my fear? Obviously, you know, pray and give it up to the Lord. But physically, what can I do? And so when we built our house, we turned our pantry into a safe room, and so that gives me peace that if there's a tornado, I have a spot to go to. And so that probably didn't answer your question, but I feel like what I do is if, when I'm feeling afraid, it's usually again worst case scenario. And so if I can speak that worst case scenario into existence, chances are nine times out of 10, that worst case scenario is not going to happen. And so if I just speak it out loud, then I'm like okay, well, that sounds ridiculous, that's not going to really happen.

Speaker 2:

And then I feel like there are so many times where I have held myself back from doing things because I was so scared.

Speaker 2:

But then, as I've gone through this journey, I'm like, okay, well, god wouldn't have placed it on my heart if he didn't want me to do it. You know, if there's something that I'm terrified to do, starting a podcast. I was thinking about all of the things that I've been scared to do in my life, Like meeting my husband was scary because we went on a blind date and he didn't quote unquote fit my criteria for a partner. But had I like, let that fear of he may not be what I want hold me back, I wouldn't be married to him for almost 13 years and have three amazing kids. So I feel like what is so important in being fearful is like you feel the fear and you acknowledge it because it's there and it's there for a reason. But I also remind myself that if there is something that I'm afraid to do and I'm nervous to do, usually it's because it do, and I'm nervous to do usually it's because it matters and because I need to do it.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's so good. I am right along with you on that part. Not the tornadoes. We don't get tornadoes here in California. We get other stuff Fires, yes, and that, with everything that has gone on recently in California, I mean that definitely is a fear also, but it's a fear that I, even with what just you know recently happened with these horrific fires, I sat and I talked to my husband and I just told him, like you know, we just have to be prepared, we have to be able to control what we can control and just leave the rest to God Cause, at the end of the day, that's really what it comes down to.

Speaker 1:

I can't control if the fires come to our house or not, but I can't control that if we have a plan here, you know, just like you built a safe room. Yeah, we don't talk about those in California, so I don't know what they're called, but do what you have control of. Now I'll share one of my biggest things that I am scared of and I want to kind of transition into this about, like I fear not fulfilling God's calling on my life. That's, at the end of the day, what it comes down to. I know you're familiar with Ed Milet right, you know Ed Milet, okay, so he shared this podcast. It's years old but he's talked about this multiple times. He talks about at the end of his life that he imagines that when he is standing before God, that there are like two versions of yourself and it's the image of what, of who he created you to be, and then you, and when you get there, are you going to recognize that person or is that person going to be completely unknown to you? So it's like how close of a person are you going to be to who God created you to be?

Speaker 1:

And I remember when I listened to that podcast of him talking about that, I was bawling crazy and I was like I never thought of that and that became like a new fear for me is like, am I not going to live up to who God created me to be? And I don't want to like go too deep into this of the whole fear of God kind of thing, because there's lots of different ways to approach that. But for me, my biggest fear it is kind of a fear of God. But it's not that I fear God, I don't fear him, I fear being away from God and with that like in starting scared. How has your faith played a role in helping you to step into your calling and to do the things that you used to be scared of?

Speaker 2:

That's such a great question and it's actually like kind of my come to faith as an adult story, and so we were doing a. It was back in 2012. We were doing a John 316 study and I grew up in the church. I believed in God, but I was I grew up Catholic and it was kind of like, you know, my mom made me go to church and so I believed in God, but I didn't want to be there, right, and so we were going through this, this study, and I remember always thinking but how Like, how is all of this possible? You know, I'm supposed to believe that he created the earth, I'm supposed to believe that he knows everything, but how Like, I couldn't wrap my brain around how it was possible.

Speaker 2:

And so, doing this study, we were sitting around the dining room table with a bunch of women and we were talking about it and I was very honest, I was like, you know, I I feel like I believe, but I just don't get like I'm scared to even say that like put all of my trust and my faith into this person, this being, but it just doesn't make any sense to me. And they said and that's the beauty of faith is it doesn't have to make sense because he knows all and we're just supposed to trust. And it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders that, oh my gosh, I don't have to control it all, I don't have to get it all, I don't have to understand it all. I can feel the fear and trust that God's got me, no matter what. You know that he's got my best interests in mind, even if my plans are different. Same thing, like when I, when I had these plans for a partner, for for my husband, god had such a greater plan than what I could have ever dreamed, but had I not trusted that he had my best interests in mind, I wouldn't be married to him. And same thing when I was a teacher for 18 years and I was like I, this, this is not it anymore. You know, just like you were saying, like being fearful of not, you know, fulfilling God's purpose on our our, on on your heart. Like I had to keep my eyes when you were telling me about, you know, ed Milet's. You know two versions of himself, because I was like that. That is how I feel too.

Speaker 2:

Like I was going through the motions every single day wash, rinse, repeat and my family was getting the leftovers of me, but being a teacher was all I knew. Getting that income was all I knew. I only ever wanted to be a teacher since I was five. That's scary to say, okay, well, I'm just going to not be a teacher who am I now, you know?

Speaker 2:

But trusting that God's got me and making those decisions that, okay, I can control, that I'm going to continue to put my faith in you and I know that you've got me, that you're not gonna let me down and that if you've put this on my heart to let go of this career that I've had for 18 years, that I've wanted to be since I was five, there's a reason and you wouldn't have put it on my heart if you weren't going to help me figure out what that reason is, and you know when you were talking about how like you want to fulfill this purpose, you know when you said it wasn't that you were unhappy and I was like, yes, that's what it is Like. I want to fulfill my purpose. What is my purpose? My purpose was being a teacher for 18 years.

Speaker 2:

What is Christy's purpose in 2025? I'm scared because I don't know what it is, but I know that I'm here for a reason, and I know that God wouldn't have put me here if he didn't have something more for me. So I have to trust that. It's going to be scary and I'm going to have to take steps and I'm going to have to like not see the full staircase, but I'm going to have to take that one step at a time, because what's on the other side is going to be something far greater than I ever could have imagined. But if I didn't put the trust and I didn't have the faith, then I still would be unhappy in a job that didn't fulfill me and I would be giving my leftovers to my family, who deserve the best of me, you know.

Speaker 1:

So good, christy, my brain is just going so many different ways because I'm like, yes, yes, yes, I want to talk about this and this. But one of the things first, like you and I have so many similarities because, shedding that identity of teacher, right, I worked in a church for so long, I worked with kids for so long. Since I was 18 years old, I did like almost 20 years of working with kids and when God was pulling me out of that also, I almost went through like an identity crisis. Right, I kind of want to touch upon that a little bit, because it is so scary to step away from something that you have known for so long, like it has been your identity for 18, 20 years, like I've only known what it's been like to be a teacher working with kids, so forth, and to take you out of that working with kids, so forth, and to take you out of that. And now I do have to say I'm just going to add this because I know I have a lot of teacher friends that listen to this Teachers can do anything like literally anything you put us in any other field. We are going to figure it out, because that's just what teachers do, so it's not a matter of being fearful of can I learn something new? Right, because that's all we do as a teacher. We're constantly learning new things, learning how to adapt, to teach the kids and the students that we have. So adapting and learning new things I don't think is the biggest challenge.

Speaker 1:

I think the biggest challenge and this isn't just for teachers, this is for anybody else who may be an accountant, maybe you know, you're a stay-at-home mom, any of that, anyone who is struggling with just an identity crisis, even those moms that have been stay-at-home moms for years and now their kids are going off to college. You know, I think you and I are in that transition phase right now too. You got an older one that's off to college. You still. You got one at home, my second child. He's going to be away at college in like two years, and it's that identity crisis. So can you just touch a little bit about that, like the challenges that you had with that and where's Christy at with her identity, in trying to figure out what the new Christy looks like for this next phase of life?

Speaker 2:

Oh my gosh, I feel like I could go so many different directions. But, like when I first decided that I was going to resign from teaching, so many people asked me during the summer, how do you feel? And I was like, right now it's just business as usual, right Like. Ask me in August, when everybody goes back to school school how I feel, because I'm always off during the summer, this is normal. When everybody started going back to work, it was like a sigh of relief. So I took about a month of that sigh of relief and that I'm so glad I don't have to get up and go to work. I'm so glad you know what am I going to do? You know had a lot of time with Frank because he also works from home, but then, kind of like, the dust settled. I was like now what? And then so many people were like, well, what are you doing? And I'm like I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing.

Speaker 2:

It has opened a lot of opportunity again to spend more time with my husband, which is has been amazing for our relationship. It's opened up more opportunity for me, um, for us to travel more. Um, you know, I could take Bruce out a day early and we can go, you know, to the beach house and whatever, and um. But now actually over the last um, I don't know week, I'm like okay, well, now, what Like? Do I want to get back into the school? Do I want to start subbing, like? And Frank's like I don't see you going back to work full time, but maybe we can, you know, get back into the school somehow, but trying to kind of figure out like I don't, I don't know, like to answer your question, I don't know who this version of Christy is.

Speaker 2:

I do know that I like this less stressed version of Christy so much better. I like this more relaxed version of Christy better. I love being able to get my appointments done while Bruce is at school and then when I pick him up from school, I'm just mom, that's really cool. I've never been able to do that before. And then, when I pick him up from school, I'm just mom, that's really cool. I've never been able to do that before, and so that's really neat. And then I feel like I have a better relationship. You know Addison was home from college for, you know, this past month. She just went back two days ago and you know that was amazing to get to, like I feel like because I'm more relaxed, like our relationship is better, which is so amazing, so wonderful, and so who Christy is right now is feeling more relaxed.

Speaker 2:

However, she is also figuring out okay, well, what's next, what is my purpose, now that I have, like, enjoyed the time off? I can't do this forever because I've used my mind. God bless the stay at home, mamas, I like, I love, I love that for you, but I like, like I said, it's a journey Like I've. I've never, I'm never, going to arrive at the Christy that God designed me to be, if that makes sense. Like it, I'm going to constantly grow and evolve and become newer and better and maybe slip back into some old habits and then be like whoa, I don't want to do that anymore.

Speaker 2:

And so I feel like right now, it's such a cool place to be in because I am, I have the time to rediscover myself, and I've never had the time before, and so I really enjoyed this first semester of not working. And now it's like okay, you know, I'm speaking on more podcasts, I'm going to speak at a virtual summit, which is so amazing, I'm so excited, and so you know, maybe that's going to be where you know. This next version of Christy goes into more speaking opportunities. That isn't. You know, I'm still teaching, but I'm not teaching inside a classroom. So to be able to just feel more at peace and more relaxed and more present and more available for my family, that is something that is, you know, such a such a blessing and I'm so grateful for this season of life right now I love it.

Speaker 1:

You know I've. So I've been in this season for I don't know four years now and although during these four years, like I launched a podcast, I, you know, started a side business, I created a couple of journals and just kind of doing the things that God put in my heart, but it took some just sitting and unpacking like it's. It's almost like you know, I know this is used so often, the whole butterfly term.

Speaker 1:

you know it's like you're a caterpillar. You're in a cocoon for a while and then finally, you know, it's like god gives you these new wings and I feel like I've been in this cocoon season for a minute but I'm just starting to break through the cocoon, you know, and because I'm starting to see, like, like I really feel the momentum and this is like where God is taking me. But it took sitting for four years and unpacking some deep stuff. And I think also, like, as God is transitioning, you and you are becoming someone new, right, you are shedding the old, you are becoming a new creature. God needs you to evolve.

Speaker 1:

Like you said, we're constantly renewing ourselves and we're never the old person. We're constantly chasing a better, newer version of ourself. But in order to do that, we do have to unpack some of the past. You know, and I sat heavy, I did like a I guess you can call it like a therapy intensive. It was like three days of some really deep diving, digging deep stuff, that some stuff had came up that I didn't even know that I had buried deep down. So, part of this process, it is scary also to sit with yourself. You know, and know that there's a lot of women out there that they keep busy, because the noise, the internal stuff is more scary than just doing the dang thing Right? No-transcript.

Speaker 2:

I can just say, like I was you. I am you Because you know you were saying that that noise is so loud it's easier to stay busy, and I was like, yes, that.

Speaker 1:

And.

Speaker 2:

I feel like that's how my life was for so long, and it is scary because then you really have to kind of sit and look at yourself in the mirror and recognize, okay, well, what I'm doing is not working or I don't like this about myself, or you know past traumas or whatever. But I feel like, like you said, like you can't shed those layers, you can't break out of your cocoon if you're continuing to hide from yourself. You know you can hide from other people, you could mask from other people, but you can't do that to yourself.

Speaker 2:

And you certainly can't do that to God, because he knows it all you know, and so it's, it's hard and it's scary and it's uncomfortable, especially if you are like me, who, you know, wore busy like a badge of honor for so many years. But it's, it's necessary. And what I would say to the woman listening don't feel like you have to do everything all at once and overhaul everything, because that is in itself is extremely overwhelming and very scary. And the first thing that I did, actually, was I found a new devotional and I wrote it on my calendar and, even if it started out as a box to check every single day that I was going to do my devotional, and you know, whatever you're looking for joy, happiness, hope, maybe grief, whatever devotional you're looking for I put it in my calendar like a checkbox and now it's something that I can't go a day without doing. So that, to me, I think, is such a it takes me five minutes, but it gets me started, it gets me kind of, my headspace gets better wherever I was. You know, before I jumped into my devotional, even if it's, like you know, on your phone or whatever.

Speaker 2:

And I also recently bought a new Bible and I am so excited about my new Bible because my old Bible was like falling apart. Like the binding like came completely. Like the the um, the binding like came completely off of all of the paper. And so I'm like I can't do this anymore. I mean I can go get it fixed and I will. But so I was like, okay, well, I'm going to. I really want to find more joy and laughter this year, and so I'm going to find more joy and laughter, you know, with my relationship with God. So of course, I'm going to continue to do my devotional.

Speaker 2:

But I got a new Bible, got my new Bible tabs, I got a new journal, I got new pens and highlighters that don't bleed through your Bible, because if you know, you know, and I'm so excited about it, and so that is something that, like it's so simple, right, like I'm not one to like read the Bible, you know, front to front to back, and you know, or just open the Bible and read, like I've got to have those verses. You know from my devotional that I'll go and read, and those were. That was just something that I was like, okay, I really it's something small. Like I said, I put it in my calendar until it became a habit that, like I had to do, I wanted to do you know, rather than just a box to check.

Speaker 1:

I love it, and nothing like a new journal or new pens to get a teacher excited about something right.

Speaker 2:

Don't tell me you're a teacher without telling me you're a teacher.

Speaker 1:

Totally Like you're speaking my love language. Right now too, christy, I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm so excited for you and you know it is so simple, like you said something so simple like that to get you excited, to get you on track to just go deeper. You know, created because there's nothing like a new journal, right, that's why I had created, you know, these journals, because I'm like I sit, I have found so much of like myself. I've found so much joy in journaling and allowing God just to speak to my heart. You know my heartfelt prayers are out in my journals. My pain, my fear, my anger, my anguish, all of that just heavy in my journal. So I'm a huge advocate for all of that.

Speaker 1:

But I do know a lot of women that are listening. They don't have the resources to invest in therapy, to invest in coaching or counseling. So I just want to advise to those ladies go spend five, six, $10 on a journal. You can go online. You can get journal prompts online, free journal prompts for self-discovery, for finding joy, for fear. There are so many journal prompts that you can go and look. You can even use like chat GPT and say, hey, give me 30 days of guided journal prompts for whatever you're struggling with, because journaling is a form of therapy that has helped me so much and, again, I'm a huge advocate for therapy and all of that but I think it saved me a lot of money in like actual therapy, you know, because I learned to just put it down in paper.

Speaker 1:

So there's nothing like that resource that we have to help us to go deeper, to put our fears down on there and to go through this journey of self-discovery also. So I want to ask you, as we begin to just kind of wrap up a little bit now, being where you're at now, you started scared. You've learned like, hey, I'm going to start doing these things, I'm going to start really trusting God in these areas and just doing things that I used to be scared of. How do you handle the setbacks? Because fear still creeps in. Right, it's still there. So, knowing what you know now, how do you handle the setbacks when fear starts to creep back in?

Speaker 2:

Oh my gosh, that's such a good question. Like I handle the sweaty armpits, you know, and it's just like that. You know when things are scared but the setbacks happen and they're always going to happen. Like life is not rainbows and unicorns and you know happy things all the time. But I and this is what I teach my nine-year-old son all the time is that you know bad things are going to happen, but how you react to them is what you know shows your true character. And so you know I, I just I try to remember that like when, when you're scared, when bad things happen, that there's something else like this is there's something else Like this is, you know, rejection is God's protection, kind of thing.

Speaker 2:

Like I remember when I was I just had Bruce and I was seven days postpartum, y'all seven days that I had an interview to go and teach third grade at a brand new school and I wanted to go to this new school so bad, because it was opening a STEM pro, it was going to be a whole STEM school and but I was seven days postpartum and I was so scared to do this interview and I did it anyway and I didn't get the job. And I'm like now what? Because all of my friends got the position, and so I'm going to stay at this school with none of my friends anymore. I am a brand new mom. I'm terrible, and they were going to move me down to second grade. So I'm like, oh my gosh, like this, what am I going to do? Like I had to fully trust, and so God put it on my heart that, okay, well, you're going to need to just resign. I'm like, what, resign from teaching? Like, are you kidding? And so I was terrified to do that. And I'm like, and at the time, like we needed my income. So, like, resigning was like, are you, are you what? Like I, I need to lose my income. And then what, you know, I have this frightening baby. And then what? And so I had to fully trust and I was scared and I had sweaty armpits and I was so sick to my stomach, like what is going to happen? And I resigned.

Speaker 2:

And not two days later, I got a phone call from the school that I had originally applied to, you know, the STEM school, asking if I could interview for the intervention specialist position. And that was my dream job, my dream job. Y'all, like you, have no idea it was working with struggling readers and mathematicians in third, fourth and fifth grade, and that was what I wanted to do. And had I not felt the fear but trusted in the Lord that he had my back, that I could not see what was on the other side of resigning? Had I not resigned, I would have stayed stuck at that school, in the you know, without my friends, in a brand new grade, with a brand new baby, and I wouldn't have, they wouldn't have called me because I was already assigned to a job, to a position in the district. They would have gone outside the district and I firmly believe that that.

Speaker 2:

I had to fully trust, be scared, do the unknown and trust that he had me. And so those feelings of fear come all the time. But again, god's not going to place those things on your heart. If he's not going to help you, give you the resourcefulness to make it happen, help you make it happen. Or if there's a reason why he needs you to do it. You know, I don't know if you guys have ever seen those picture of like. You know, the little girl holds her teddy bear and Jesus is kneeling down. He's like give me your teddy bear, but behind him he's got. He's holding like an even bigger teddy bear. It he's like give me your teddy bear, but behind him he's holding like an even bigger teddy bear. It's like that, like you have to feel the fear. No, jesus, I don't want to give up this control. No, jesus, I don't want to give this to you. But behind his back he's like but I've got you. I've got you something bigger, if you just fully trust me, I've got you.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's so good, christy, you know I didn't realize how much of our stories align because, at a similar situation with leaving my ministry job as a director, stepping away all in active obedience of God, telling me it's time to step away, we needed the income, I needed the job. We had nothing to line, I took, I gave my resignation and two days later they came and they offered me, like a teaching position at the school and it was something even better, like the schedule. I was on a teacher's schedule versus full-time ministry schedule and I was able to keep my boys at my school and this whole thing. All my listeners know about that. But I'm just listening to you and I'm like you and I have so much in common, christy, it's crazy.

Speaker 1:

But going back to this whole like trusting God thing, there's a saying, a little quote. I actually have it in my, in our loft here, and it says that God gives you three answers yes, not now, or I have something better for you. That is just our faith, right, Like God's going to give us a yes, he's going to give us a not now. You got to wait, you got to be patient, or hey, I got something way better for you. But it takes that trust, like you said, and trust requires faith in God, and that trust and faith is only built when you have a relationship. And it's so important for us to keep that relationship with God. You know, and whatever that looks like for you If it's, you know, going to church every Sunday, getting connected in Bible study groups, community groups, reading your daily devotion, reading God's Word daily, listening to worship music, listening to podcasts or sermon that are devoted around the Word there are so many different ways that you can build relationship with God, but I think Christi just touched upon it so much of how important it is for you to have that relationship in order to trust, so that that fear doesn't dictate big decisions.

Speaker 1:

You know, and we can learn to let go. You know, I always call it like we white knuckle stuff, right, we're like holding so tight because we want control, and here God's like hey, let go of those little beans you have, because I have something like bigger and better for you, and that trust just comes with building relationships. Now, christy, I want to kind of end on one final question here for you of what one piece of advice would you give to the mom, the woman, just someone who is on the brink of starting something new, but just feeling overwhelmed.

Speaker 2:

Nothing worth doing is going to be easy, and I feel like you know I've said it so many times God didn't put it on your heart. If he's not also going to, you know, help you make it happen. But the biggest thing is get plugged in somewhere with somebody, and a small group at church is so helpful. I'm actually starting a new women's study today and I'm so excited because we've been doing marriage studies. But just get plugged in with somebody, someone who you know, a trusted person that you can talk to, even if it's just a person go get coffee kind of tell them what's going on, how you feel, because you never know what advice they have who they can connect you with.

Speaker 2:

Even just speaking your fears into existence makes them not so scary. Everything the bad stuff hides in the dark, so when you bring it to light, it's not scary. And so just talking to someone, getting plugged in with someone that you can just surround yourself with, or a group community that you can surround yourself with, you know even a podcast, listening to someone that you know brings you joy. Or you know worship music is always helpful, but not staying alone on your island and ruminating on the overwhelm, because then you're just going to continue to drown and that's not gonna help. So, yes, such good.

Speaker 1:

I second everything that you said. It's so good. Okay, so I always close on some fun questions so that our listeners get to know Christy a little bit more. So if you had a free afternoon, christy, with no responsibilities whatsoever, what will we find Christy doing?

Speaker 2:

We would be laying on the couch reading a book.

Speaker 1:

Oh, okay, and my next question is what is a book that you would recommend to the listeners?

Speaker 2:

Okay. So I'm going to be 1000% honest. I cannot do like because I'm like a paper, like I'm a hard copy book reader and so like if I was going to do like a nonfiction book, it would have to be an audible. I can't read them. So I love a good rom com book. I love good psychological thriller book. I love good psychological thriller book. My books are just for pleasure, they're just for me and they're just to kind of like shut off all the noise and throw myself into a completely different world. So those are my types of books that I love, I love it.

Speaker 1:

Now, what would be so? What would be an audible that you would recommend our listeners as far as like personal growth or something.

Speaker 2:

I love oh my gosh anything by like John Acuff Love him. I also love anything by Jamie Kern Lima Worthy oh my gosh, like amazing. So yeah, those are definitely good ones to read for sure.

Speaker 1:

Love it. I just did a John Acoff Audible binge on like three of his books, I think towards the end of last year. Love him. And I'm still going through Worthy. It's been a long process, it's so good. I'm actually doing her workbook alongside it, so I'm really doing like a deep dive on it, because that is something that I personally struggle with is like the feeling of worthiness and stuff. So I'm I'm still going through her book.

Speaker 2:

And and I mean like those are kind of, those are the types of books that, like you have to digest. You know, like the fiction books are the ones you could just like fly through, but the ones that you really need and the ones that you really need to soak in. Like you're not going to read it cover to cover in three days you know you're going to sit and digest and and reflect and journal and and talk to somebody about it and but yeah, that that worthy was because we saw our feet.

Speaker 1:

no, yes, yeah, yes, and we were there and I had the opportunity to actually like share with her, and that was just like yeah, that was I mean kind of like a god moment for me of just kind of unpacking like all of that. I I shared it in an episode.

Speaker 1:

I'm not gonna go like sorry, sorry to bring it, no, no no, I, I just don't want to bore the listeners too much here, um, but that that's why I've been sitting, because I didn't realize that, um, I struggled with worthiness, you know, and where it came from, so I had that like god aha moment at that. Now for the listeners, christy and I were both at the Empower Her conference last year in Denver and it's a podcast or it was an event. There's a lot of fellow podcasters there in this community, so she was there and she saw the whole moment that I got to have with Jim and Karlima. But that's why I've been sitting with that for so long, because I realized, like, how much work I have to do in that area, you know. But anyhow, christy, just you were such a breath of fresh air. Honestly, I am so delighted that you said yes and I just want to thank you so much for your time. Tell us how the listeners can connect with you and, you know, hear more about Christy.

Speaker 2:

Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me. I, I mean, when you asked me to come on, I was like absolutely 1000%. There wasn't even a thought in my mind. So thank you, um, but I am over on Instagram. I'm hit or miss over there Like I. You know, I'm really trying to not let social media consume me so much, but I am over there at Christy Lockhart and the podcast you can listen to that. It's a weekly podcast, launches every Wednesday and it's called Start Scared and it's anywhere you can get podcasts. I also have a text community and so that's a great way to come in and chat with me. You know off social media, so, yeah, that's something that we can put in the show notes if you'd like to. And yeah, I'd just love to connect and get to know fellow mamas, fellow teachers, you know, fellow women who just are out there to, you know, make their life better.

Speaker 1:

Yes, awesome. Now Christy, her podcast. I listen to it quite often, christy, I do. I love your podcast, so encouraging, and I love that Christy just has like just kind of almost I want to call them like venting sessions, but they're not venting sessions, like you, just speak what's on your heart. Sometimes she just comes on and I'm just like it's like just having your girlfriend in your ear kind of podcast, and I absolutely love it. So again, thank you just for sharing your heart and for inspiring us all today. Be sure to go check out her podcast, start Scared, and you can find her Instagram handle and I'll drop a link to her show in the show notes below. But until next time, just remember that fear does not disqualify you. It's just a sign that what you're stepping into is bigger than you. So trust God, take the step, just start scared and, in the process, keep chasing joy. Until next time, friends, see you.