Your Joyful Order With Leslie Martinez

#102-Boundaries That Set You Free: Protect Your Peace & Priorities

• Leslie Martinez • Season 5 • Episode 102

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Setting healthy boundaries is crucial for emotional and mental well-being, yet many struggle with it. In this episode, we discuss the definition of boundaries, the red flags indicating a need to set them, fears that prevent us from doing so, and actionable steps listeners can take to create healthier relationships and protect what truly matters in their lives. 

• Defining boundaries as limits for personal well-being 
• Exploring the biblical basis for setting boundaries 
• Identifying red flags indicating boundary needs 
• Discussing the benefits of establishing boundaries 
• Addressing fears that hinder boundary-setting 
• Providing reflective questions for personal assessment 
• Suggesting actionable steps to create boundaries 
• Previewing upcoming episodes featuring guest discussions on boundaries

Connect with Leslie:

Follow on IG: @yourjoyfulorderstyle

Website: https://www.yourjoyfulorder.com/

Email: lmartinez@yourjoyfulorder.com
to schedule- Speaking Events, Interviews or Life Coaching Sessions

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https://shopjoyfulorder.com/

Watch this Episode on You Tube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsXoAYIM2mfclNtYiaOzIUw

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https://a.co/d/09Djvaw

Book a FREE 30 Minute Discovery Coaching Call: https://tidycal.com/joyfulordermedia/30-minute-meeting

Speaker 1:

Hey friends, today we are kicking off a brand new series titled Healthy Boundaries. Now, before you start picturing big walls, a cell block, locked doors, let me tell you don't worry about that. Boundaries are actually a good thing. Boundaries are not about shutting people out. They are about creating space for what truly matters, and that's your peace, your emotions, your purpose, your priorities. Now let's be real for a minute here. How many times have you said yes when you really meant to say no? How many times do you feel just drained or overcommitted because you said yes? Are you a people pleaser? Are you carrying out responsibilities that were never yours to begin with? If you're nodding along to any of those, you, my friend, are not alone. So many people me myself have struggled with setting boundaries, and I am just so excited for this series because let's be real, boundaries are something that we all struggle with at some point, whether it's in our relationships, our work or even just with ourselves. And I have some amazing guests that are coming up this series. I'm going to be chatting with Stacey, who is a counselor, and we're going to be talking all about boundaries in relationships, and then I have a special guest named Brenda, who is going to be just breaking down how boundaries can help us to break unhealthy cycles. But before we get there, I want to give you just a kind of a healthy habits 101, an introduction to what healthy habits are and just an insight to what the series is going to be about. It's another coaching session today, so go grab your notebook, get something to write with and come back here for this week's episode.

Speaker 1:

Hey everyone, I'm Leslie Martinez and you're listening to your Joyful Order podcast. Each week, I will bring you joyful stories that will motivate and inspire you and, at the same time, bring order to your everyday life. Let's just say the show will be a mixture of preaching and teaching, with a kick of motivation from your girl here. Welcome to your Joyful Order podcast. All right, so let's get started here.

Speaker 1:

First up, what exactly are healthy boundaries? Why do we need them? Let's break it down. I want us to just start with this simple question have you ever said yes when you really wanted to say no? I am certain the majority of you are raising your hand or nodding your head yes, right, Maybe you groaned a little bit inside because you're just like oh, this has happened way too many times. We're going to get into. What are healthy boundaries?

Speaker 1:

Now, boundaries are the limits that we set to protect our well-being our physical, emotional, mental, spiritual health and to protect our time. Now, they define what is okay and what is not okay in our relationships and our daily lives. So, contrary to what some people might think, setting boundaries is not a selfish act at all. It's actually one of the healthiest things that we can do for ourselves and those around us. Now, before we get any deeper, I want to just set this on the table now, so that we are clear into why boundaries are so important, and one of the good news here is that boundaries are not walls that push people away. They are bridges that help us build healthier and meaningful relationships. They also honor our needs and they live in alignment with our purpose. Now, boundaries are a biblical principle. All right, they are a biblical principle. Yes, Do you need proof for that? Well, I'm going to give it to you. All right, Even Jesus himself set boundaries.

Speaker 1:

Now, there's lots of people that we can learn from in the Bible, but I'm going to take Jesus here because one I know Jesus pretty well. I know lots of stories about Jesus, and I think most people know who Jesus is and can relate to a lot of his stories. All right Now Jesus, he in his, in his early 30s. He was called to do ministry. He went out to do what he knew that he was called to do. But he also created boundaries to allow him to fulfill the capacity at which he was called to do. He created boundaries to make sure that he was rested and can give his all to the ministry. He created boundaries in knowing how much he can handle. He brought along support and help with his disciples. So those are just a few of the examples, but we see it in the Bible.

Speaker 1:

Like Jesus, he withdrew from the crowds to pray, that setting a boundary. He knew, hey, I have to create this boundary, I have to withdraw from these crowds that are taking from me, I have to go in, I have to refill, I have to pray. And we can find that in Luke 5, 16,. When Jesus withdrew to pray. Now, he also didn't allow everyone access to him. Not everybody was able to come and be like yo Jesus, yo, my friend, what's up? Yo Jesus, come pray with me, Come heal this, Come heal me, Come heal her, Come heal my sister, my brother, my mama, my dad, my friend right, he set boundaries. He didn't allow everybody to take advantage of him. We can read about that in Mark 6, 31 through 32. He also didn't allow others to control his mission. His only person that he allowed to control a mission was God, his Father. We can look at that in John 6, 15. And Jesus also set very clear expectations in his relationships.

Speaker 1:

Now, if Jesus needed boundaries, we definitely need them too, and I want to share this scripture. It's Proverbs 23, and it tells us that, above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Guarding your heart requires boundaries. Now, Jesus set these boundaries. And you know, I just think and I want to point this out here because I'm going to come back to it a little bit later I want to go back to how Jesus was called to do this ministry. He set these boundaries of making sure that he can retreat, he can pray, right, and we see this in lots of different stories.

Speaker 1:

Like Jesus went to the wilderness, he went to the mountaintop. He went to the wilderness, he went to the mountaintop, he went to the garden, he went to all these different areas to pray. Jesus rested. Also, Jesus honored the Sabbath, you know, as he could. Yes, sometimes healing required him to pray for someone or lay his hands on someone over the Sabbath, but for the most part he made sure that he rested when he could. He also brought along help His disciples. His disciples were brought so that he can teach them how to be disciples and how to teach God's word. First and foremost, right, he is bringing along someone to pass the baton to, but he also is bringing support because he knew his calling could not be sustained alone. These were his way of creating boundaries that supported his calling. Oftentimes we fail at creating any kind of boundary to support the calling that God put on our lives. So, again, if Jesus required some kind of boundaries, what makes us think we don't?

Speaker 1:

Now I want us to just kind of transition and look at what are some red flags that are might mean it's time for you to set some boundaries. So here are a couple of signs. I have four signs, or four red flags, you can call them. That might be a huge indicator that you need to create some healthy boundaries in your life. The first one is you feel drained or overwhelmed by certain relationships or commitments. Number two, you say yes out of pure guilt or obligation. Number three you feel resentful after agreeing to something. That's where the people pleaser comes in, right. Number four is you struggle to find time for yourself because you constantly overcommit yourself. Did you say yes to any of these? You're either nodding your head, saying yes, realizing oh good Lord, I'm really bad with boundaries. Right Now, I want to share why boundaries matter. One they help to protect your energy and your mental health. They also foster healthier, more respectful relationships and they also allow you to align your life with your goals and your values.

Speaker 1:

Without boundaries, we cannot aim to achieve our goals or what God called us to do. So your values, your purpose all go hand in hand with the goals that you create each year. Right, the goals that you create in your career, in your personal life, with your family. Right, the goals that you create in your career, in your personal life, with your family. In order for you to sustain that and to be on track with where God is calling you and what he is calling you to do, you have to create these boundaries. So God called Jesus to be the savior of the world. Okay, that's a huge calling. Right, that is I mean talk about the ultimate calling there. Right, that is. I mean, talk about the ultimate calling. There You're my son and you're going to save the world. Okay, yeah, Jesus needed some boundaries, right?

Speaker 1:

There are always challenges when creating boundaries. It's not easy. I know that I am a work in progress as we speak. I am really good with creating boundaries in certain areas in my life and I'm really bad at creating boundaries in other areas of my life. I'm really good when it comes to, like, structure time I don't overcommit myself but I also am really poor in creating boundaries in relationships, and this is what I am learning by one doing this series, because, as I learn these things to apply into my life, I want to teach you, and I have committed myself to a 10-week group that is all about creating healthy boundaries in relationship, and this is a group at my church and one of the things that we fear and I learned this and I will say that, yes, this is definitely a fear that I have, especially when it comes to creating boundaries in relationship.

Speaker 1:

But here are three fears that we can have. One of them is the fear of rejection or conflict. It's real. Yes, I fear rejection and I fear conflict in my relationships. Therefore, I just keep my boundaries to myself, or I just don't create boundaries because I want to avoid conflict and avoid possible rejection.

Speaker 1:

The second is the habit of people pleasing. This is another challenge that we are just natural people pleasers. We want to please everybody, we want to say yes, we want to overcommit, because that's just who we are we're people pleasers. The third challenge is that we feel guilty when we prioritize our own needs. We feel selfish, right. But here is the good news, friends, Let me tell you this Boundaries are a skill that can be learned. You can learn this by listening to podcasts, by reading books about them, and they also can get strengthened over time. So it is a muscle, right. It is a muscle that we need to learn to flex and work out often, and the more that we flex, the more that we work them out, the stronger they are going to get.

Speaker 1:

All right Now. I told you that this was going to be a coaching session, so this is your time. If you did not grab your notebooks, like I told you to in the beginning of the episode, hit, pause, hit, stop, whatever. Right now, go grab something to write with, because you're going to do some work and I want you to write these questions down. All right, here we go. We're going to do some reflection questions and I'm just going to go through. I'm going to read the questions. There are six that I want you to write down. If you want to pause after I read each question, go ahead and do so. That way you can answer it and then you can hit play and go to the next one. If you just want to write them all down right now and you're going to do the work later, then do that, Totally up to you. But I'm just going to read one through, six straight through, and you can choose to pause or write them down as you can. All right, here we go.

Speaker 1:

These are reflection questions for you to start working out that muscle of gaining boundaries and learning how to apply them into your life. So here are some questions for you to ponder. In what areas of your life require boundaries? Now, the first question that I want you to ask yourself number one is what area of my life feels overwhelming or draining right now? Number two when have I felt resentful or frustrated because I said yes when I wanted to say no? Number three where do I currently have strong boundaries and where do I need to improve. Number four what specific situation make me feel uncomfortable or overextended make me feel uncomfortable or overextended? Number five what fears or beliefs hold me back from setting or enforcing boundaries? And then, number six how can I align my boundaries with my personal, personal goals and values? Now let's put all of this into practice.

Speaker 1:

Now. I want you to answer those questions, and I mean you basically are going to see yourself, once you answer these questions, where you need to create some boundaries in your life. What areas in your life create overwhelming or draining? Maybe it's your work. Maybe you are not just working nine to five and that's what you are contracted to work. Maybe your specific salary is that you work Monday through Friday, nine to five, but you're seeing yourself working six days a week, more like an eight to seven kind of thing. Maybe you need to go back and say I need to create boundaries where I am strictly working nine to five and that's what I am contracted for eight to seven kind of thing. Maybe you need to go back and say I need to create boundaries where I am strictly working nine to five and that's what I am contracted for, that is what I am paid to do and I need to speak up to management or my boss and say, hey look, we need to re-evaluate my contract or my time because I am finding myself overextending my working hours right now.

Speaker 1:

All right, If you're feeling resentful or frustrated because you said yes when you wanted to say no, you need to create a boundary and just learn to say no, friend. That's really what it comes down to, and there's a nice way to say no. You don't need to be at every friend's birthday party. You don't need to be at every friend's kid's birthday party. You don't need to be at every single family event, party, wedding quince, you know business launch, Like. Learn to say no to stuff. This is where the people pleaser in you is coming in. You don't need to be at everything. Your kids don't need to be in every single sport and you commit yourself to saying yes. And then your taxi, your coach, your team, mom you're driving around for every dang sport. Give yourself a break, friend. All right. This is where you start re-evaluating these questions and telling yourself what areas need boundaries. So now we're going to put this in practice.

Speaker 1:

Here is a quick exercise that I want you to do in your journal or your piece of paper right now to help you visualize your boundaries. Now, I want you to draw a circle on a piece of paper. Just draw a big circle on the piece of paper. There, Now, inside the circle, I want you to write what you want to protect. Is it your time? Is it your energy? Is it your peace? Is it your spiritual health, your mental health? Is it your joy? For me, joy would be like right in there. I want to protect my joy. I want you to write in that circle what you want to protect.

Speaker 1:

Now, outside the circle, I want you to write anything that tends to infringe on those priorities. What takes away your joy? What takes away your time? What takes away your energy? What is stealing your peace? What is causing you to not spend time with God? I want you to put that all on the outside Now. I want you to just take a moment right here, and I want you to identify just one small boundary that you can set this week that will strengthen your circle.

Speaker 1:

So, if time is inside your circle right now, so what is a boundary that you can set this week that is going to allow you to place more value on your time? What do you need to commit to. What do you need to say no to? Maybe you had just a crazy week, right? Maybe this week you worked. You worked your 40, maybe plus hours, you were chauffeured to your kids with their activities, and this is a Saturday that you were looking forward to, just resting and kind of doing introvert things sitting at home, maybe reading a book, cooking your favorite dinner at home, Netflix binge, catching up on your favorite show because you've just been doing a lot this week.

Speaker 1:

But you told your friends that you were going to go out with them on saturday and you are desperately regretting that. Be real with your friends and just say look, you guys, I know I committed and said yes to this, but I am so overwhelmed right now I I'm stressed out and I just need a day to rest, Like I need a Sabbath. That's another thing that Jesus did pretty good, right, he rested. Who says that you don't need rest? Like God wrote it in the 10 commandments, so much he knew that we needed rest. We need to honor him with the day of Sabbath. So maybe this week maybe you overcommitted yourself. Saturday is the only day that you have to rest and to catch up and to do the things that you got to do to prepare yourself for the next week. But you told your friends you were going to go party hardy with them. So is that one thing that you can do this week is to just go and be real with your friends and let them know? I apologize, I overcommitted myself this week, but I need to rest this week. You know I need to rest on Saturday. I need to catch up. I just need to breathe. If they're a good friend, they're going to honor that and say girl, don't worry about it, we got you. I've been there. I totally understand. Thank you for letting me know there. I totally understand. Thank you for letting me know.

Speaker 1:

Maybe in your circle, there it's your peace. Maybe you're struggling with just not being at peace with the situation or something right now. So, the one small boundary that you can make this week maybe you need to set a boundary with someone that is not allowing you to have peace. Maybe there's a conversation that you need to set a boundary with someone that is not allowing you to have peace. Maybe there's a conversation that you need to have. Maybe there's a text that you need to send to somebody and say, hey, I'm struggling, you know I the situation.

Speaker 1:

I feel this way about it and anytime that you go to create boundaries, I want to encourage you to come from it at an I perspective, rather than pointing your finger out and saying you do this, you need to change. You make me feel like this. You need to point the finger to yourself and you need to use I statements that I feel like this. When you said this, or what you said made me feel like this. So it is important that you control your response and your reaction to things and allow it to come from an I statement when you are creating boundaries. But I want you to just take that moment, look at your circle that you drew there and figure out what is just the one small boundary that you can create this week that is just going to strengthen your circle and is going to bring more peace, more time, more energy, whatever it is into your life this week.

Speaker 1:

Now, this is a short episode, a quick little coaching session for you, but I really just want to give you an introduction into this series, because I have two great guests that are coming up and we're going to go way deep into this and when I tell you, we're going to have really good conversations. I mean we're going to have really good conversations. I mean we're going to have really good conversations. Again, I met this amazing counselor Her name is Stacy and she just brings so much value and insight to creating boundaries in relationships. So we're going to dive into that. And then my girl, Brenda, that I got to connect with a while back. She is just talking about.

Speaker 1:

You know, oftentimes boundaries just are not established because of generational cycles. Right, we carry over certain ways of living, of being just based on generations, Like, well, that's how my family has always done it. You know my family, we never miss a family event. We always do this. Well, sometimes you got to be the generation breaker, so to say, Like you got to be the one to break the generational cycles that just don't make sense or aren't healthy. Sometimes that comes with creating boundaries. So I'm going to have a great conversation with Brenda Rivera and she talks all about breaking generational cycles with boundaries and I just want to encourage you go and do the work.

Speaker 1:

This is a short episode because I want to give you the time to go and reflect on those questions. Sit and really look at your circle and create a plan just for this week, friend. All you need to do is just look at this week. What boundaries can I create this week that is going to protect my time, my energy, my peace, my mental space any of that? I just hope it's getting you excited for the next two episodes that are to come. But I really want to encourage you to take action on this Reflect journal but, most importantly, practice on setting at least that one boundary this week. And just be sure to tune in for the next two episodes with Stacey and Brenda, because we're going to dive deep into the boundaries and I don't want you to miss out.

Speaker 1:

So if this episode resonated with you, if you learned something from it, if you think there was a friend that would benefit from this, do me a favor and share this episode with a friend. If you're watching on YouTube also, please make sure to drop a comment. Let me know. If you need advice on setting boundaries, Schedule a 30-minute free coaching session with me also. I do coaching sessions all geared towards boundaries, creating healthy boundaries, and if this is an area that you need and you want to explore it a little bit more, schedule a free 30-minute call with me and let's see what we can do to help you to create healthy boundaries. There is a link in the show notes where you can book a free 30 minute discovery call with me. But again, drop some love for this episode, share it with a friend, post a comment. And until next time, friends, make sure you do the work. Okay, do not forget to do the work, but keep remembering that boundaries are what's going to allow you to chase joy. See you later.